Things I Couldn't Say
by Raine Ishida
Summary: A short ficlet set on the beach post KH2 during summer school. Sora has a problem expressing his new found feelings for the girl of the trio. How is it that Roxas knows better about this stuff? SoraKairi, WAFF.


**Things I Couldn't Say**

Note: Well. I hate to admit that this is my first hetero pairing fic in awhile. Sigh. It's a SoraKairi, but it's not terrible, and Riku's here too and he's not jealous. You can read between any lines you want to, but I won't admit to anything. I'm not suggesting anything, and the only openly gay person in this story is Roxas. Nothing happens, it's just mentioned. You've been warned.

Riku is the one being referred to as the 'blond' in this. I hate that I have to explain that, but some people demand to know why Riku's being referred to as blond when his hair is clearly silver. 'Duh'. Well, excuse me. Silver hair is commonly referred to as blond, thank you very much.

---

Sora wasn't sure if he knew he had a problem or not. Either way, when it came to studying, he wasn't able to concentrate. Not now, not ever. And especially not when Kairi was lying on the floor on her stomach across from him.

The brunet couldn't figure out why he couldn't focus whenever she was over. His grades were fine in all his other classes except for English. Kairi, being the honor roll student and generally smart all around, decided to help him out and came over every other afternoon after school to help him with his homework and study skills. Now, this wouldn't be a problem…if Sora could focus.

He wasn't even sure why he couldn't focus. In fact, he was watching Kairi the entire time she was speaking. Just…none of it was getting to him.

Perhaps he was distracted by the way her lips moved, rosy and soft-looking as she spoke; or maybe it was how smooth her arms were, folded in front of her as she propped herself up on her elbows to read from the novel their class was studying. Her hair, falling across her forehead? No, that couldn't be it. The softness of her face? The way her cheek looked like it would fit in his palm perfectly? He shook his head and blinked, earning a frown from his redheaded friend. Her eyelashes? They went on forever, he could have figured. She wasn't looking up at him, but down at her novel from where she was reading, and the eyelashes fluttered every so often and Sora knew they were shielding him from the fate of being lost with no return into the cerulean sea that were the eyes of his best friend Kairi.

Sora knew it could have been those things or more. Sora also knew he could have gotten too much sun that day during lunch. Riku had been teasing him lately about not getting outside as much. This was countered by Sora with a comment about Riku not even looking like he'd ever stepped outside a day in his seventeen years of life.

Riku was a grade ahead of Sora and Kairi. They'd spent all summer so far in summer school catching up from their adventures across the worlds, but Kairi hadn't fallen that far behind, being as she'd returned before Riku and Sora had. Riku, being older and generally a smart individual, wasn't held back, but was able to go through to grade twelve once his summer schooling was finished. Sora wanted to be in grade twelve with his friend, but being that the brunet was no where near as smart as either Riku or Kairi, he knew it wasn't going to happen. Common sense was one thing, but intelligence was another.

"Sora, are you listening to me?"

Break. The brunet snapped to attention. "Huh?"

"Did you even hear a word I said?" The same cerulean he knew would condemn him was doing just so. "How can you not be paying attention when you're looking right at me?"

Sora said nothing, but felt the blush creep over his cheeks. "Sorry, I…thought I was listening."

"Spacing out and letting Roxas think for awhile?" she asked. This caught Sora off guard. Kairi hadn't mentioned either of their Others in a long time. His confusion must have showed on his face, because Kairi added to her question. "Don't think I don't know how it is, Sora. Naminé…I have to let her out sometimes, you know?"

Sora continued to blink with his lips parted in question.

Kairi explained further. "Well, don't you sometimes hear Roxas' voice in your head?"

Sora thought for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, I guess that's what it is."

Truthfully, Roxas' voice was more predominant in his own head than his own conscience sometimes.

Sora trailed his own thoughts off for a moment and was startled when Kairi touched his arm. "Sora?"

"Huh?" he asked, jumping again. Kairi giggled. "So…are you like Roxas in not doing your homework either?"

"You're turning into Olette," Sora muttered, glaring down at his notebook. "How is this stuff gonna come in handy in my future anyway?"

"It's English, silly. English is always handy."

Sora rolled his eyes. "It's sunny outside and we're in here lying on the floor reading books. Kairi, what's wrong with this picture? We could be on the beach!"

Kairi giggled again and sat up, tucking her legs beside her. "Well, consider that it's sunny everyday and we went to the beach yesterday? We live on an island, Sora. Don't look for excuses out of your homework."

Sora's phone rang and he grinned. "I didn't look for that one," he excused as Kairi shot him a frown.

"Hello?" the brunet asked, picking up the phone. He was almost relieved to the point of sighing with the voice on the other end. "Hey, Riku! Yeah, she's still making me study. …What! You've been done for two hours? Well, come over and help me or something!!"

Kairi shook her head and smirked. Another excuse. Riku would distract him even more.

"Okay, see you soon."

Sora hung up the phone and grinned widely. "Riku's coming over."

"I figured as much," Kairi replied, closing her books. Sora frowned. "What are you doing?"

"Well, if Riku's coming over, there's no way any of us will be able to focus. You know none of us are good at studying together. Besides, you've tried your hardest and it looks like you just won't concentrate anyway, so…"

Sora had spaced out again. Kairi stood and waved a hand in front of his face. "Sora? Helloooo?"

The brunet shook his head. "What?"

"What is he thinking about?" she asked softly, touching her friend's arm. Sora couldn't deny the tingles that prickled all the way down to the ends of his fingers.

"I'm…not sure. Naminé sometimes, I guess. Sometimes…it's just how much he misses simple things. Ice cream, watermelon, trips to the beach, Hayner…"

Sora's eyes had grown sad, and the sight frightened Kairi. Riku walked into Sora's room to see Kairi clutching Sora's arm tightly as the brunet stared at the floor, spaced out.

"What's with him?" Riku asked. As if snapping his fingers, Sora seemed to wake up to the sound of Riku's voice.

"Riku! Hey!"

The blond nodded his head in Sora's direction. "You okay?"

Kairi raised an eyebrow. "How'd you do that?"

Riku shrugged and punched Sora in the shoulder. "Some kinda weird connection, I guess." Sora held his shoulder with a pout and ignored Riku's smug smile as the blond sat on his bed. "So what was Sora all spaced out over?"

"Roxas," the brunet answered, interrupting Kairi before she could speak.

It was Riku's turn to raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"Roxas," Sora repeated. "You know. The blond guy…my…Other," he said carefully. Riku nodded with a smirk. "Oh, I know who he is. I wouldn't forget a guy who kicked the crap out of me."

Kairi had to smile, earning a glare from the blond.

"He's been thinking a lot. I think he misses Axel or something. He talks about him a lot, and he thinks about Naminé and the White Room and the pictures…and Riku, he talks about you sometimes, too."

Sora sat down next to Riku while Kairi knelt in front of the two boys. "What do you think we should do about it? I mean…it's not like we can do anything, really," Kairi said quietly.

Riku frowned, leaning back on the heels of his hands. "Well, how do you shut Naminé up?"

"I don't," the redhead replied. "She doesn't talk much."

"But when she does talk, or think, heck, whatever she does in your head…do you ever wish you could get rid of her?" Riku finished. Kairi seemed shocked by the idea.

"But…I couldn't! She's a part of me, I'd feel so…empty."

Sora looked at his clenched fists which rested on his knees. _How do I tell her that…with Roxas I feel like I have too much? How do I tell her…that she and Riku are all I'll ever need? Sometimes…Roxas is too much for me._

**I can hear you, you know.**

Sora jumped, startled. Well. He knew he'd never have a private thought ever again.

**I always could. I just…want you to know that I never said anything. And you should tell Kairi how you feel. Maybe it would help you be able to focus during your study periods if you had that weight off your chest. **

Roxas' suggestion had a point to it, but Sora didn't want to give in. _What does a Nobody know about love?_

Sora felt the hurt and rejection that he'd shot at Roxas and his own heart ached. He wanted to apologize, but he knew the Nobody didn't mind.

**Maybe I don't know as much as you, but…I know enough to know when someone makes you feel like you have a heart. **

_Axel?_

**Yeah. **

_So…_

**Yeah, a part of you is gay, buddy. I guess. If a Nobody can even _be_ gay**. Roxas chuckled and Sora returned the laugh.

On the outside, Riku and Kairi stared with worried expressions at their brunet friend who'd withdrawn into himself again.

**Which would explain why sometimes you have those weird thoughts about Riku**. If an unconscious half-of-a-person could wink, Roxas would have. And Sora felt it. And blushed.

**But Kairi…she's someone special. Don't let her go, okay? **

Sora sighed. _So…you're saying I should talk to her? About…my lack of focus?_

**It's not my fault you're intoxicated by her. It's only my fault when I let you think too much about it. I can't help it if I think it's funny sometimes. Talk to her. She'll understand. Or talk to Riku first. Tell him your problem. He'd probably take it better than some guy in your head anyway.**

Sora smiled faintly. _Probably, _he joked.

"Sora," Riku said. The brunet started and looked at his friend with wide blue eyes. "What?"

"Will you try and pay attention? Where did you go off to just now?"

"We need…to go to the beach or something. I need to swim and clear my head," Sora said, standing and grabbing a towel from his closet. "You guys coming?"

"We going to the Island?" Riku asked with a frown. Kairi hesitated. It was getting late, after all.

Sora shook his head. "Nah, we can just jump off the pier. Are you coming?"

Kairi's hesitation held her back even more and she shook her head. "I have a big test I have to study for tomorrow guys…you go."

Sora's heart sank a little. "Well, okay."

Riku grabbed another towel from Sora's closet and draped it across his neck. "We'll walk you home before you go," he suggested. She nodded with a smile and gathered her books into her backpack.

Sora was already at the front door with his shoes on when Kairi put her backpack on. Riku grabbed her arm as she was about to leave the room. "Hey Kairi?"

She turned and raised an eyebrow as if to demand to know why he was holding her so firmly. "What, Riku?"

"I'll talk to him. I know you're worried; stop trying to hide it." Riku's gaze was intense and Kairi felt her face grow hot as she averted her eyes in shame. "I'm just worried because we both know what Roxas was like…"

"I'll talk to him, okay?"

She nodded, convinced. "Thanks, Riku."

They said nothing more as they descended the stairs of Sora's house to join up with their friend at the front door.

--

Sora jumped off the pier with what seemed to Riku like a death wish. Hitting the water with a force to be reckoned with, Sora was under for what seemed like a long while. Too long. Riku ripped off his shirt and dove in after his friend.

Sora was fine. In fact, he was trying to stay under by the way he kicked and swirled in the cerulean blue of the ocean waters. Riku frowned at him as they made eye contact in the water and the blond pointed to the surface. Sora broke free of the waves and breathed deeply. Riku followed shortly after and frowned at his best friend as they treaded water. "What's your problem, Sora?"

Sora looked at Riku with fear in his eyes for a long time before he opened his mouth to say something. "I…I don't know."

"It's nothing to do with Roxas. I know that much," Riku replied. Sora began to swim back to shore and they stopped on the sand, relaxing in the rays of the sun which was due to set within an hour or so.

"Is it me?" Riku asked. Sora shook his head, his eyes closed as he soaked in the warmth from the sky. Riku bit his lip. "Kairi?" The hesitation said enough.

"What about her?" Riku pressed. "You like her?"

"Of course, don't you?" Sora answered, a little too quickly. Riku shrugged. "Well, sure, but …probably not as much as I think _you_ do."

Sora could feel the blush spreading on his cheeks. Riku smiled. "You can't stop thinking about her, so you're letting Roxas take over because you're embarrassed."

"Stop that," Sora said, frowning at his best friend. Riku shrugged. "I don't need you to ever tell me anything because I can just read your mind," he replied, tapping Sora's forehead. "That's why you can't focus when you're studying! You're too busy watching her read to you, or the way she plays with her hair when she talks, or something mushy like that, right?" The blond was teasing him now. Sora pushed his friend over and Riku laughed, flinging sand at the brunet.

"It's TRUE!" he cried, laughing at Sora's darkened expression.

Sora, his blush more apparent than ever, scowled. "I don't know what to do about it, Riku."

"You want to do anything about it?" Riku asked. Sora stood and walked into the water so it was up to his ankles as he stared into the sky. He heard Riku come up behind him.

"You like her…but do you _want _her to know?" Riku's question was so soft, so…gentle, that it almost broke Sora's heart. Of course he wanted Kairi to know. But at what cost? What if she didn't feel the same? What if she just wanted to be friends? What if she liked Riku instead? What if? So many what ifs…

"Stop what if-fing and talk to me, Sora." Riku's demand was harsh and Sora knew Riku wore a scowl with crossed arms.

"I think…I'm good for now," Sora replied quietly. Riku shrugged and scooped Sora into his arms to throw him into the water. "Suit yourself!" Riku said jubilantly, tossing the brunet into the ocean, arms and legs flailing wildly.

"But when you can't turn to me or Roxas anymore, you have to tell her something. Oh, and when you fail English and have to be held back again? You can't tell her it was because the little man in your head told you to."

Sora knew Riku was right. As he sat in the water, drops falling off the spikes of his messy hair and down his face, he thought. Kairi had always been there for him, even when they were little. She'd always been by his side. Was he really ready to step it up, to make it something more than just friendship? The idea of having her in his arms in a hug that wasn't just friendly, the idea of kissing her, of knowing that she was his…it was almost too much for him.

**You can do it, you know. You'll just need time.**

_And courage. I have plenty of bravery for fighting monsters, and I can't even tell a girl I like her? _

"No offense to Roxas, Sora, but…can you talk to me instead?" Riku's voice cut through Sora's conscience and he looked up at his best friend with sad eyes. "Sorry."

Riku nodded and held out his hand to help Sora stand. "Let's go back to your house. I'll help you with that homework."

Sora grinned and stood, wrapping his towel around his neck as he and Riku walked side by side, back to his house. Eventually, he'd tell Kairi, and perhaps it would be good. Until then, he'd just have to wait and see.

--

For Breena.


End file.
